1973


Tears were dropping out of my eyes and falling into ecstasy. As she
made me to stand, I was shaking like a leaf with rapturous lust and was
at the absolute pinnacle of this incredible emotion! Every vein was now
so pronounced and bulging that if she would have poked it with a pin,
I could have probably spray painted my entire name on the wall with it!

Harmony rolled two fingers around the tip of my throbbing pink helmet,
as she so often referred to it, and it immediately began to drool. She
then used the clear syrup which dribbled out as a lubricant to bring
me to fulfillment. I screamed as emotion gave way to pleasure and the magnificence of man overflowed into the palm of her awaiting hand
and fingertips. It was beyond anything my little mind could ever have conceived and there was so much fluid in that gorgeous hand of hers,
I was stunned! So relieved was I that the pain in my testicles was gone,
I almost collapsed.

With the utmost dexterity, she used her sexual prowess to emancipate my heart, till I became her prisoner. Trapped within a loving amulet, never to be released, I am yours forever. So eager and willing was I to please in this hour of glory, that my very existence would hinge upon her every word.

"Now tell me," she said in a seductive voice, "who would you rather play with, me or Ursula?" Before I could even answer she was halfway to the bathroom. There, she washed the remains of my love down the sink.

In the mirror, I could literally see the actual handprint with not only the shape of each finger, but the three lines in each finger as well! Almost like a photocopy of her hand had been emblazoned on my glowing buttocks.
I ran my fingers over the stiff welts and imagined my parents running off together. Just thinking of this brought me great joy for then Harmony could adopt me, and we would be left to dine on ourselves, or so I thought in my young brain. Harmony then applied some soothing
creme to the affected area and it felt good.

"I'm so sorry about the last one," she said with a devilish smile.
No you're not, I uttered rather defensively. Her smile grew. "I know,"
she exclaimed before doing that adorable little thing she so often did!

Whenever Harmony was overly excited she would hold the tip of her tongue in her upper and lower teeth as she giggled so playfully! My heart skipped a beat, whenever she did it! As I looked at harmony's swollen palm from where I stood behind her, it seemed to look exceedingly purple. How delicately fragile and ladylike she stood observing herself in the mirror, as if she were standing before a judge who was about to pronounce sentence.

                                          Pg 196
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gently, I wrapped my arms around her voluptuous body while my
cheek rested firmly against the layers of her tousled hair. How do you
just become her, I asked with eyes closed? So content in the love my
heart was forming! "You'd be amazed," she said, "what I can do for the one I love." Did you really mean what you said to me before? "About what?" You know "I think you need to help me out." Putting your
thumb in my body, if I didn't do as you said?

For some reason, I could not look at her when I said it.

"I'm sorry about that. I got lost in the moment." Ever so delicately she knelt down beside me on the bathroom floor. "Forgive me?" Um-hum. (There was a very long pause) But you still didn't answer my question. "Yes and I would have sounded like I was killing you, but I would have been extra gentle. Just tell me and I need you to be honest, would you have held it against me?" No I said, in a mild trance from the spanking.
I then reached out my hand and began to caress that bright red thumb
of hers. This one, I asked curiously? She nodded in a manner that might have implied a childlike innocence, before saying yes with a courageous smile. I then wrapped my hand around it, holding it ever so firmly while looking deeply into her eyes. Harmony then escorted me out into the
living room where I let go.

To live with hope can lead even cowards through minefields,
but to lose one's salvation is a far worse option than being heavily oppressed. Indeed, I would become fractured beyond a shadow of
a doubt and broken in every conceivable aspect concerning love.
Surely, I am overflowing with love this hour, and not an unkind word do I have to say for even the devil himself.

Tomorrow, however, I shall tarry in the pit of despair with the
ungodly. Only a few numbers were missing from the equation,
and no one ever sees that car pull up. . .

Where unspeakable evil presents itself in the form of a handshake
and a grin. No need to fear; he's not the one I'm worried about.

"Most men would not allow a woman to go near that area." Not even you? (((Laughs))) "Not even me! Men have too much pride to allow themselves to succumb to the glory of their own lustful nature. Aside from them not being able to understand love, apart from their own selfish needs, they make it seem like we're nothing without them. They treat us like dogs,
and they really think they're doing us a favor by having sex with them!
Like we-need-you? Most of them just want to throw you down on the floor and have their way with you. No touching, no foreplay, nothing, but what they fail to recognize is that our needs need the same attention given as do theirs, but because they have strength over us, they feel they can control us by bullying us and manipulating our emotions. Furthermore, they treat us like objects! We are not objects, we are human beings! We may be more emotional, and we may get hurt easier, but we still require love don't we? Try explaining that to a full grown male adult of the human species. They don't see it that way! As long as we cook for them, clean for them, wash their clothes, bear their children and fuck them, that is all we are good for! Deep down inside, most men are cowards confined to their own will, and since they cannot fathom a woman probing around inside them in such a way, they consider it to be a "gay" thing. It is okay for you to do that to us but when it comes time for us to return the favor, then it becomes a gay thing? Grow up."

                                          Pg 197
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why is that, because you're no longer in control? A real man should not be intimidated by his woman! Especially the woman he proclaims to love with all his heart and soul. Sometimes, I just wish I could shake some sense into them!

Then to top it all, they don't want us to have an opinion!!!

We should keep our mouths shut and not speak, unless we are spoken to!" Harmony was making a fist, and I could see, by the way, she had
half her lower lip sucked into her mouth that she was becoming enraged.
I wasn't really sure what to say in her defense, but I knew I had to
change the conversation and fast.

How could anything with you be gay? "How? Well, for starters if I used implements or objects on you, which are dreadful, and I would never do such a thing. That could very well be considered a gay thing, but you know what I have, and I know what you have. You're a boy and I'm a girl, correct?" Uh-huh. "What's queer about us enjoying each other's body?" Nothing. "That's right! You enjoy being in my company, and I enjoy being in yours! Very soon age is not going to be an issue, but until that time comes and according to the laws of this country, you do not have an opinion either!" What do you mean? "I mean that if anything, God forbid were to happen to your parents or if anyone ever found out what we were doing together, they would tear us apart like animals, regardless of how we feel. All laws are governed by rules and by right they should be, but there are also exceptions to every rule, and this is one of them."

With a hand on my knee, she proceeds to kiss me lightly upon the lips. "There is something I must tell you."

By the way she spoke, and by the way she looked at me, I thought
she was going to tell me that she met someone. How sorry she was for stringing me along all the while and how terribly she felt about doing it. Wait! I blurted out, feeling a heartache in my soul beyond compare. You're leaving me? "No my love, I am not leaving you." Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke. "Three years ago I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. Would you like to know what he said when I told him I was breaking off the engagement? He said I was nothing more than a filthy immigrant whore and demanded to know what was wrong with me! There is nothing wrong with me! Then he thrust me up against the wall and raped me! I was so dry; it was. . . All over!!!" Harmony was now swinging her arms and crying uncontrollably. "Then, he beats me for bleeding on his rug!!! Over and over again with his fists! He wouldn't stop. For awhile,
I thought I was blind in my right eye. I couldn't see for almost a month.
Do you have any-idea of the pain that I felt at that moment? Do you?
My heart died!" I held her face in my two small hands and said, he's
gone now. When I'm older I want you to take me to him. I want you
to watch as I smash his face open!!! I brought my fist down so hard
on the wooden table, I nearly broke it. She took hold of my numb
little hand and gently held her lips to it. . . "And lose you? Never."

                                          Pg 198
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would never do anything to hurt you, I said sounding most desperate
for I was pleading to convey my point! Even if you were to break up
with me, I would still honor and respect you. "I know you would, but I
am not breaking up with you," said Harmony in a trembling voice before bringing a hand to rest on my cheek. With the tips of my fingers, I parted my lover's hair, so that her view of me was unobstructed. I then looked into her eyes and found the agony of that bitter moment. If eyes are truly a mirror to the soul, then she was in Dante's inferno right now. The markings around the eyes themselves were so pronounced, when I looked into them, I could almost see the striking.

Harmony, I said, I am so very sorry. "Thank you my sweet baby," she replied as tears the color of night streamed down her face. As I listened attentively to her voice, every word spoken was channeled through a nightmare she had been forced to endure.

A few minutes later, Harmony would drive a stake
through my heart by saying something I never
expected to hear come out of her mouth.

"I will never stop loving you, my baby. Even when you grow older and decide, you too, wish to knock me around, cause I no longer please you." Her voice cracked on the last word, and she burst into tears covering her face with both hands. Upon hearing this, I instinctively moved back, the same as I would have, had she thrown a glass of ice water in my face. Harmony was now crying hysterically. To imagine myself hitting her like that went far beyond the scope of any normal form of reasoning. It was incomprehensible.

As the whole scene came into focus, I was so very hurt that she could even think such a thing! That I could be capable of such evil. As I unwillingly watched this beast pummel my girlfriend in my brain, I felt myself being pulled apart by emotion. To hurt her like that was simply unthinkable. Rapidly, I was beginning to lose control as this heartfelt sadness I had never known before slowly overtook my senses. Not knowing what else to do, I threw myself at Harmony and held her tightly
in my arms as tears streamed down my chin. No one's ever gonna hurt
you again baby, I cried out! I promise you. I promise! As I struggled
to catch my breath gasping, I bellowed, I'm gonna kill him!!! The rest
of this scene, my mind seems to have blotted out. I can remember
feeling her hand on the back of my head and neck, but that is all.

Everything else after this is a blank spot.

Later on, when I came to my senses, I can recall saying to her, that I remembered my mom slapping my dad across the face about a year ago. "What did your father do?" He just slid his chair back slowly, got up and then left the house. He came back about five hours later, but he never hit her. Just like I will never ever hit you. "Why can't you just be eighteen, so
I can marry you already?" If I was eighteen, you wouldn't have even given me the chance to prove myself to you. She thought about my words and said, "do you realize you are the only person who has ever truly adored me? Thank you. I never thought I could be loved like this by anyone. My whole life, I have always felt rather plain. So ordinary in comparison to American girls, but you have shown me otherwise." Her misty eyes were now becoming watery, and so Harmony ran her hand slowly across her right cheek where the tips of her fingers became wet. "The way you make me feel and the way you treat me. Even though you are still young and learning, you have given me so much, I could never repay you for it." *You already have, my love; you already have*

                                          Pg 199
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is a place where the vultures gather.
Not ordinary birds of prey; something indescribable.
They wait for that nectarous river to run dry before swooping up
from Abaddon and out of your most hallowed thoughts to tear your
eyes from their sockets. Since you will find you have no energy to stop them, they allow themselves the indecency to eat into your brain till the festal is over. Then, for the rest of your meaningless existence, there is no other way home but to grope through that channel of broken glass on all fours. Ever suffering. Ever weeping at the
thought of being forsaken by all you hold dear. When the angels
can no longer protect you, you will fall from grace. You will be
exiled to an abhorrent plain on earth, where you will be forever
banished, until the mere concept of God becomes nothing more
than a contemporary English version of a fable. The clock is
moving forward at an alarming pace. . . So loud it begins
to sound like a bomb. And how could we have known
the enemy of time would be our abductor?

I'll do anything you want, I said, even that because you're my world.
I want you to feel the same way I feel, when you are doing those things
to me, like when I'm doing them to you. I just want you to be happy all the time, like I'm happy every time I'm with you. As she tried to smile through the tears, she held me close and spoke in the voice of a whisper. "Oh my love, that is all I wanted to hear." We hugged and we kissed and yes, I offered my body unto her, the same way I would have offered her my neck had I found out, she were a vampyre.

During this time, we spent together Harmony would often ask me if
I was ready to open up to her, and moved her fingers like she were
playing an invisible piano! You know I can never say no to you. I told
her she didn't have to ask anymore and to just do it, but she insisted
it was all part of the game. "I need to feel that intense desire, that wanting.
That need from you that you crave me so, and wish more than anything else, for me to be pleasured and happy. If I ever get the feeling you are becoming uncomfortable with it in any way, or if it ever begins to feel
like a task, I want you to tell me, and then I will stop doing it."

Over a period of time my lover was granted supreme access into a land which encompassed that of my own loving heart and with each and every finger, she would indeed caress my very soul. Oh my exotic angel, you have given your love unto me, and I have given you mine. "For me, this
is the highest honor a man can bestow upon a woman," said Harmony proudly, before telling me to relax. She then told me she had never done this sort of thing before. "I'm not really sure, how we should go about it," she said half confused and half bubbling over with excitement! Slowly, I removed my clothes, and she made me lay outstretched on the couch with my neck supported by the cushy armrest. She then rolled some saliva around on my sensitive area with her index finger that she had moistened with her mouth and tongue. Like an exquisite painting, this scene would often be reproduced, yet somehow without all the allure and mystique, which had grown from knowing.

                                          Pg 200
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the position I was lying in, I could see the implicit markings of that beautiful palm. So feminine and sensuous was this beautiful bright red hand that had just slapped the living hell out of me! Often I would use
that image to keep myself in line!

I reveled in the knowledge that she was all mine, and allowed her to
take pleasure in my body with a moist and glistening finger. With
her palm up, she curled back the others and gently began to insert
her forefinger, stopping only after the tip had passed the great divide!
So delicately she prepared to fillet me with an expression that seemed
to be waiting for my response.

"Are you okay? Should I stop?"

No I said, I just need to hold your other hand. She then smiled
proudly and extended it for me. As I held her left hand and gazed at
those meticulously manicured fingers, I realized at that very moment what an honor it was indeed to partake in the glory of her being! To watch her face as she braved this new world. To see her conquer it with eyes closed and moaning. To watch her tongue slide over her lips as we interconnected to become one mechanism. That supreme esoteric joining of two people so deeply in love, who have woven themselves into the very fabric of life's laurel to become love's honorer. During this act, Harmony showered me with much love and affection that was so becoming of her. As I lay enrapt in her bliss, I slowly rolled my tongue around the base of her hand near the wrist.

"Can I," she asked as if out of breath?

I looked at her with a very perplexed face,
and she repeated the question.

"May I go further?"

Yes I said, full of confidence and longing, but not really sure what all the hype was about. As Harmony pushed her finger forward in an ever gentle motion, I felt my body's natural function begin to reverse itself. Strange as this seemed, there was only a mild pinching or should I say, a rather mild stinging sensation.

I couldn't help but watch as she gratified her own sexual desires, while oohing and ahhing and biting oh so tenderly on her lower lip. As she fully penetrated the boy, the man came alive and that impressed her! While she massaged the soft flesh of my sarcoline walls, I too closed my eyes and began licking the entire portion of that delectable palm, surrendering only as I made my way up the length of four brunneous fingers which I held together and made like the whole hand was a Good Humor bar!

The only two things I was thinking was
is she really doing this to me? (((and)))
My God, she is so beautiful.

My senses were reeling as my tongue swathed wildly!
So intimate were we now, conjoined in love. So revealing!

Make no mistake, eloquently and with fervor will my love release itself
in a loud sonorous discharge. The time is at hand, for the moment is
near, and I've all to do to keep myself from exploding! I can feel you ravishing my heart, causing my body to quiver. Nibble on my flesh
in that adoring way and fill my mouth with your saliva, so that I may
be brought to fulfillment in a land of Epicurean delights! I looked at
her face, her raven hair and that image carried me away in its splendor!
The way she spoke while a part of her was inside me was unlike any language I had ever heard before. So dignified was it that I found myself perpetuated above mortal man, as if I had somehow graced Heaven.

"How noble are you my lord," I heard her say in a subdued voice,
"to offer yourself so humbly to I, who have nothing. I find you to be rare, so rare a breed. To covet and scorn if I may. To thrash in rapture,
I say not, but to love. . . I do my lord! I do!"

                                          Pg 201
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She went on and on in a Shakespearean tongue, and it made me feel as though I were an emperor in my own kingdom. I had everything a boy could ever want and so much more. Later when she stopped speaking, Harmony took me into her loving mouth and brought me to new heights. There she reversed her hand to tantalize my prostate until I released my passion! As I erupted like a mini volcano, it was there in that wonderful place where she drank from the fountain of my concupiscent loins. The way she looked up at me with those Manila eyes. Those full Indian lips. That South American allure she wore around her like Miss World! Miss Universe!!! All that is a part of me is yours my love, for you have
become the owner of my heart. The writer of my destiny.
Without you, I shudder at the thought of that.

In circles of men and women alike, I am sure to be laughed at and ridiculed and scorned, but to this angel who found a place in her heart for me, I was beyond reproach. Today no matter where I go
or who I'm with, I will always feel as though a part of me is alone. When the emptiness inside your heart becomes greater than your
own spirit, it will consume your soul, until everyone around you
is a stranger. And it's not that you don't love them anymore.
It's just that it hurts so much to see that beautiful shoreline. . .
Where you and I once stood.

I was consumed by her passion. Enthralled in the very aspect
of just being beside her, let alone the magic of becoming
one with her in such a way!

"On the eve of this very night, I found my soulmate." I turned my head to her on that couch and asked her what a soul mate was. "Would you die for me if you had to?" she asked. I would die for you if I didn't have to,
I replied. "Then I am truly your soulmate," she exclaimed most happily! "That is the only way to know if your partner is truly your soulmate,
and I would gladly die for you as well."

*Do not fear my love, for I will be older soon*

An hour later, I was prepared to use tongue again! As her hands clasped onto my head, I began doing that thing she loved so much. Licking in and around her gentle area like I was licking an ultra thin sheet of candy, while trying not to lick through it. This is the way Harmony told me awhile back that I should do it.

I felt like a songbird that had just been released from its gilded cage and would never again have to sing for anyone! Songbirds only sing because they are crying out for their mate. Once they find their mate, they are content in each other's love and will not sing again.

I slowly inserted two fingers into my lovers warm body before continuing to entice her with my little tongue. Caressing her sweet spot was such an ambrosial treat for me, and she had become so delicate! So sensitive now was my lover, with sharp nails clawing my scalp and her head thrown back in absolute ecstasy. With extreme benevolence and quiet dedication, I tasted the womb of life until it became my own breath. Soon she would erupt and quake, and within that sensuous area, I tasted what can only be described as, the purest of well water. As it overflowed her walls of flesh, it followed the order of gravity down the inner portion of her thigh, to mildly grace the upholstery. I heard my sweetheart gulping for air and turned my face toward her to see her exhaling rapidly. Now said Harmony, in a very exhausted tone, you can do with me as you like, and I went wild. Thrusting my tongue in deep, as if wanting to come out the other side
and encircle her like an eager python! I tasted her flesh, like I was licking around the inside of a honeypot while trying to get every last drop of
that wonderful syrup. There in the opening of that closed chasm,
I breathed in deeply that musky and engaging aroma.

                                          Pg 202
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That individualistic scent which separated her from all other females, until she was a part of me. In a short while from now when my lover has once again climaxed, I will be ready to make love to her. The following day, Harmony would use her thumb to make love to me, and once again
I would tell her it was okay. "You own me baby, of course it's okay."
I truly savored that experience because it was something I allowed Harmony to indulge in. To deny her this after all she had given me,
would most certainly be a travesty of justice.


My angel you shall always be
This world, my heart I give to thee
A song that plays forevermore
of love for whom I do adore

Sunday morning upon waking, we watched as the snow continued to fall. The sky was white and the air, so crisp! I went out to shovel and found that a six foot drift had curled up alongside the main walkway. Apart from this everything seemed to be brushed clean from the wind. Since it was extremely cold, it didn't take very long before I could no longer feel my hands. I went back inside where Harmony removed my mittens. "You're freezing," she said as she began rubbing my hands! A few minutes later we made love on the couch before breakfast. Harmony then made the most sumptuous chocolate covered
Belgian waffles; I ate so many I could barely breathe!

She was heaven in the form of a woman.
She was everything perfect in the world.
She was my life, my love and my best friend.


But this was not to be for something awful was coming. On the back doorstep under the old wooden awning were two gifts that had been left by white socks. A community cat who Harmony threw occasional scraps to. As we observed the mice with their heads chewed off, neither of us wished to touch them. I don't like the looks of that I said, sounding most apprehensive. "Don't worry, they're only gifts for all the scraps of food and milk I've given him over the past few years. It's just something cats do, they thank you." Did he have to thank me too? (Smiles) "He knows you are my lover, silly. Cats aren't stupid!"


Little could I have known the fate, we would both suffer, for this
was more than just an omen. It was a premonition of disaster.
What was coming for us could not be stopped, and it was
far too late for any kind of reckoning.


The best thing that could have possibly happened at that very
moment as we walked inside the house and closed the door
would have been the overwhelming smell of natural gas. . .

And a spark.

                                          Pg 203
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------