How late is thy morning hour


After a shower, I came downstairs and was seated at the right-hand
of the table. Eat your eggs, said John in a glowing tone, as he moved things that were on the counter to the table, and things that were on
the table to the sink. I sat there looking down at two sunny side up
eggs crackling in a brushed white dish. The albugineous color made
the eggs appear only slightly appetizing. The slimy layer which
adhered to them made them very unappetizing, for they now
looked like a Bulldog had drooled saliva on them. "Eat 'em,
what are you waiting for?" He then left to enter another
room. "They're cold now anyway!"

His voice was extracted from the bowels of a windy living room,
as the air conditioner blew the drapes in and out.

I touched the middle of one egg without breaking it and found
the center to be cool. I smiled as my head nodded forward,
like a rocking chair gently pushed, for I now realized that
the answer to all of life's problems was solely in my mind.

I then managed to gently scrape as much of that clear mucus coating
from my eggs as could be expected, before I went to work on them.
Not really interested in eating the sunny yokes, I cut away as much
of the white as I could and slowly ate it. When I was done, two bright
orange eyes stare up at me from that plate. John walks into the room
and sees them. "Hey, nice job!" He used the top end of my fork to
roll one over. "How the hell did you do that without breaking them?"
That's a good question cause, I have no idea! You want one? "Yeah,
why not." He opens the drawer to remove a vegetable spoon and then
proceeds to dip it in the fat from the bacon grease. John then puts
the egg in the spoon as Barbara walks into the kitchen.
"Watch this, come on!"

We follow him into the backyard where he begins a series of deep
breathing exercises. "What are you doing" asks his mom in a mildly
acerbic tone, "auditioning for the special Olympics?" "Here we go"
shouted John, ignoring his mother!" With that spoon he shoots the egg
into the air and magically catches it under his tongue. It was almost as
though it happened in slow motion. Wow, I said totally unable to believe
it, for it had to go a good ten feet in the air. "That's the one thing my
son can do like a pro, eat!!!" "You got that right" said John, delighted!
"Your turn." You know I can't do that man! "Come on Charles" said
Barbara, "it's the least you could do for waking me in the middle
of the night like you did!" Okay, I said and John ran into
the house to get the other yoke. Well, here it goes.

                                          Pg 258
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I launched that egg yoke perfectly into the morning sky, and it
had to go about thirty feet! As it started to come down, I became over-anxious, and I misjudged it. Just then, I twisted my ankle on
one of those cumbersome stones separating the garden from the
yard and that egg landed right in my eye. In that brief instant, I saw
swirling stars! Like an uncoordinated spastic fool, I was unable
to retain my balance, and so I charged like a linebacker over several
tomato plants and straight through John's parents dry rotted backyard
fence! There were a couple of flimsy metal stand up suitcase tables set
up in his neighbor's backyard, one of which I took with me into Fran
Cohen's in-ground pool. Thank God I wasn't more to the left!

Had that happened, I would have careened head first into the six foot concrete statue of a woman casually drying herself off with a towel.
How appropriate I thought, that this particular statue be placed by a pool.

As I hit the water, after slamming into the table and landing on my chest,
the giant Rottweiler who was abruptly startled tried to kill me! Lucky for
the pool or he would have! As Fran came running out with her hair up
in curlers and screaming at the top of her lungs, I saw her waving what
appeared to be a large sheet of paper in one hand! I was just bobbing
up and down peacefully while trying to keep myself afloat. After bringing
that vicious dog in, she was back and screaming louder than ever!

Yes, I was surrounded by a floating section of broken fence that had
probably punctured the pool's liner. Paper plates and plastic forks that
rose to the surface where the water seemed to turn a brownish black,
and oh yes, let us not forget the long backyard table that had gone down
like the Titanic and was now resting peacefully at the bottom of the pool.

"What the hell are you doing?" I looked at her with egg yoke running
from my throbbing eye. I'm sorry, I fell. "Fell? You crashed through
the fence! Look at my yard!!!" *Waiving her hand around like she was
Italian* I could hear John reveling in this with that laughter of his. I... I'll
fix it. "Fix it? How are you going to fix it? I'm having a party today!!!"

As I pulled myself out of the pool and rose to my feet, I could see
John lying on the grass and his mother clinging desperately to that
barbecue grill to keep herself from falling! For no obvious reason
at all, I found that I had just waved to her. "Did you just fuc-king
wave to me? Are you retarded?" I don't know, I said trying not to
laugh hysterically, I might be! Her last words were, and I quote
"I'm calling the cops on you sick mot-her fuc-kers!"

With that I heard the loud sound of a barbecue grill hitting
the concrete patio and all the little rocks spilled out everywhere!
Barbara was now down for the count as well! (And I smiled)
"Wherever Charlie goes, he leaves a path of destruction and
debris in his wake," said John in tears! "Like a white tornado,"
his mom added, also in tears and crying!

                                          Pg 259
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A half hour later Armand returns from the store with milk, eggs, juice
and an assortment of bagels. He comes into the kitchen and sees me
sitting in John's oversized pants with a soaking wet head and a big
purple shiner on my forehead. What the hell is going on here, he
asks while puffing on an unfiltered camel? *Barbara speaks*

"Remember that fence, I've been begging you to paint now for the past
six years? The one you've been avoiding cause you're so busy all the time. She points to the backyard and Armand's jaw drops! *His cigarette falls
to the floor* "Gee that's nice, we just lost a fence and now you're gonna burn down the house!!!" He held his head back and we bust out laughing! Even Armand found himself tickled by the whole patheticalness
of the situation!

A short while after this, the cops arrived with their little notepad and John hastily escorted me into the linen closet. There I stood like Anne Frank in
the darkness, hiding. Listening in fear as they began to interrogate Armand.

"Look, I wasn't even here, I don't know what the hell happened!"

The officers then began questioning John and his mother.
"We weren't here either, we just got in the house" said John.
Well, that's not what Mrs. Cohen told us. "Excuse me," said Barbara,
"but that woman is a raving lun-a-tic! I wouldn't be surprised if that
psychopath sent someone over here to destroy our property! Do you
know how many problems that witch has caused us over the years?
Plen-ty!!!" When the voices faded into the backyard, I made like
Houdini in the great escape!

Halfway to the street, I heard a female voice scream
"You  ly-ing  bas-tards!!!"

I smiled smugly as a song began to play in my head.
It was the visit by Keith West, and in my brain it sounded
better than it did on my Polk Audio system!

As I entered the dawn of a new day, the sun was shining brightly
in the horizon, expanding out and over this wonderful town of mine.

Halfway down the block, I paused to study a single bee
which had entered a bright yellow tulip, before turning
to smell the fragrant purple flowers of a garden heliotrope.
All the excitement that had come to a head over the past
six hours had now culminated into a feeling a total peace.

As I rounded the corner, I saw a beautiful lady come down her front
steps and get into a jet black sedan. Upon seeing me, she immediately
smiled, and I smiled back. As she sped off onto the main roadway
and dissolved into the fabric of the day, I thought to myself quietly.

"No different are we than the flowers that grace the land.
 We are here for a short time, and then we are no more."

As I continued on down the road, I wondered what the plans
of the future held for me. Indeed I thought, this world is mine!

                                          Pg 260
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Sylvia H. Mullins - nice... I liked this ALOT!!!! I havent checked your profile yet but I hope you got more books!!!

(((Gave 5 stars for reading the entire book)))